Sunday, December 28, 2008

Recession Proof

You know it's a big deal when NPR covers a story twice in three days:

Cost Of Yankees Acquisition Examined

Yankees' Spending Spree Defies Laws Of Economics

It's a good time to be a fan of the richest sporting club in the world.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Who throws a shoe, honestly?

RE: Iraqi shoe throwing incident.

This is all I could think about when I heard the news,

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Keep It Cool

Occasionally, SNL proves there's still some life in Studio 8H.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Guerrilla Skanking

I'm pretty sure this should be on the jumbotron in heaven for most of the day.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Rays win! Rays win! Rays win!

What a game.

p.s. You still have the dumbest team name outside the WNBA in professional sports.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Champions! -- Vanilla Coke AND Josiah Pics

Not even a contest this time. Nothing can withstand the flavor explosion that is Vanilla Coke. Gone for a while, but back in grocery stores everywhere just in time for Columbus Day festivities. Actually, it's been back in stores for well over a year now. But I just noticed.

In unrelated news, my brother and his wife have a new blog filled with pictures of their baby. David has finally joined the brave new interwebs.

Oh, did I forget to tell you, blogging world? Imanuncle. What now!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Take On Me: Literal Video Version

"Ever wish songs just sang what was happening in the music video? Well now they do."

Awesome new lyrics to a-ha's "Take On Me," that describe exactly what's happening in the video as it happens. Redundancy is funny. Redundancy is funny. (Well, not in every case.)

(((Original video in case the new song didn't do it for you.)))

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Eraser (1996) - Starring Arnold Scwarzenegger

What in tarnation happened to Catfish Haven? No, not the band, the totally rockin' Blog?

Jake. Jeff. Please don't tell me you erased this awesome depository of ridiculous awesomeness?

Life in spinning. File nots found. Records left unrecordededededededed. Like taping over Charlie Hayes making that sweet, sweet catch. (((Oh God, it was sweet!))) I feel like throwing up.


I really need to update the blog roll. Zillion sorries to all the folks who've blogs have moved. Basically, I'm lazy. Also, I'm not sure anyone but Keith Goldfuss and my brother stop by here anyway. So you probably didn't even notice.


Seriously, where the hell is that goram blog.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I love YouTube because...

The reason this blog exists? So that all four of my friends can see this lovely video. If Midwest Mindset were still alive, I'd post it there, too.

Oh well.

If you get bored, just skip to the 1:50 mark.

...Holy hell.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

The two best pictures you will see all week out of all the pictures you could ever possibly see before Sunday.

So Rosie Thomas got married*, and guess who showed up?

Spot the semi-celebrities: Sam Beam, Damien Jurado, David Bazan, Denison Witmer

Pics courtesy of Paste Magazine

*nnnoooooooooooooooooooooo! sniffle.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

And the hits just keep on comin'

Damien, with his broseph Drake. Aka Hoquiam.


People I wish were in a band right now:

J. Tillman
Keith Goldfuss
Lane Kim

They would be called "Apples and Oranges...Or Maybe Just Apples".

I cannot wait.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Burn After Reading

The Coen Bros are back with the funny.

The second trailer's redband, but only for a swear or two. This looks like classic comic book action/comedy from the Coen Brothers, ala Big Lebowski or Raising Arizona. Who the hell cares if it doesn't make any sense? Seriously, I'm watching the trailers again. Right. Now. And now. And. Now.

Monday, June 9, 2008

My blog pictures are cleverer than your blog pictures.

It's so effing hot in my living room, I've taken to hanging out in my kitchen. Here are the current stats:

Living Room/Bedroom Because I Don't Want To Use My Entire Paycheck For Rent: 85°
Kitchen: 76°
Outside: 72°

Temp this Afternoon: 95°
Length of Time it takes for my living room to reach temperature equilibrium with the outside world: 6 or 7 hours
Clock Time: 12:43am
Estimated Equilibrium Time: 4:00am
Planned Bed Time: Negative 1.5 hours ago
Estimated Bed Time: Never

I'm just making this junk up now, but come on. My apt sucks during the summer.

But during the winter? Free heat! Oh the irony!

Saturday, June 7, 2008

X-Files in Poland

New X-Files movie trailer! With Polish subtitles! Awesome squared!

I've taken to wearing diapers because I crap my pants in excitement every time I think of this.

Saturday, May 31, 2008


So a few weeks ago I heard that Over the Rhine would be playing in Rhode Island later this summer. After doing a bit of e-searching, I found out that they were participating in the Newport Folk Festival on August 3rd. Here is the entire list of performers for that very same day:

Sunday, August 3
Doors: 10:00 AM
Show: 11:30 AM to 7:00 PM

Jimmy Buffett
Levon Helm
Gillian Welch
The Avett Brothers
Brandi Carlile
Son Volt
Kaki King
Over The Rhine
Jake Shimabukuro
Kate Taylor
Richard Julian
One Flew South

Adult: $89.00 / Child (2 to 12 yrs of age): $15.00 Buy Now!


And I'm thinking exactly what you're thinking (unless you're Paste Magazine): Crap on a stick. Why should I pay 89 bucks to see OtR and the Avetts and Gillian Welch?

So I sent them this kind email:

From: Jonathan Rice
Sent: Tuesday, May 06, 2008 6:45 PM
To: Info FestivalNetwork
Subject: Over the Rhine > Jimmy Buffett even on their worst day.

Dear Miss Info,

I know this is a ridiculous request, but is there any way of purchasing tickets for Sunday, August 3rd at a reduced price if I promise promise promise to leave before Jimmy Buffett? All I really want to see are Over the Rhine and the Avetts, and since OtR never tour this far east, I haven't had the chance to see them perform since I moved to Vermont two years ago. I would be forever and ever in your debt and would bake you cookies or write you love letters or both. $89 is alot to spend when one works for a non-profit and one will leave early because one has no interest in ever seeing Jimmy Buffett perform live. Ever.

BTW, Jimmy Buffett? Really?!


Most sincerely and completely truly yours,

Jonny Rice


Honestly, I didn't really expect a response. But three days ago:

On Wed, May 28, 2008 at 3:56 PM, Festival Network - Box Office wrote:

Mr. Rice,

Unfortunately we are unable to grant discounted tickets for leaving early at the Newport Folk Festival. I am sorry that this is an inconvenience, but due to corporate policy and system inability we cannot. We also have no ability to verify that one has left with no return and as much as we take one for a honest patron, we are unable to grant your request.

Sorry again for the inability to discount the tickets.


Festival Box Office.

The Festival Network, LLC

30 Irving Place

6th Floor

New York, NY 10003

Office: 646.652.3965

Fax: 212.533.7293



This message is the property of The Festival Network, LLC or its affiliates. It may be legally privileged and / or confidential and is intended only for the use of the addressee(s). No addressee should forward, print, copy, or otherwise reproduce this message in any manner that would allow it to be viewed by any individual not originally listed as a recipient. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any unauthorized disclosure, dissemination, distribution, copying or the taking of any action in reliance on the information herein is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please immediately notify the sender and delete this message.


This was very polite of them, I think.

Also, did I just break the law?

Best. YouTube Video. Ever.

Sooooooo much better than Beverly Hills.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Theme Park

If I ever create a theme park, I think it will be Dunkin' Donuts themed.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Champions! ~ Neko vs. flops

I've decided that the only thing blogging is good for is that it gives me the unique mass-mediated ability to compare things that I like and then decide which is better or gooder or more important for life and joy and survival. It's like having my own personal edition of BM, that quarterly journal that Paco always talked about starting. Only this will be published far more often than quarterly. Not daily, though. Who has time for that?

My first engagement? Neko Case vs. flip-flops.

In this corner, Neko Case.

And in this corner, flip-flops.

I like flip-flops. I'm wearing them now. And it's, like, 41 degrees out. I also like Neko Case. I'm listening to her right now. And she never gets old. She is, like, perpetually 27 years old. Just like me. A good age for all eternity. Yep, that 27 is a mighty fine (prime) number.

27-years-old for life wins. Flip-flops are neat-o, but I could go barefoot, I guess.

Today's champion: Neko Case. With a cool bird.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I am a...

I feel like this was a popular meme a year or two ago, but just for a laugh this morning, I googled the phrase "Jonny is a" just to see what came up. Basically, I'm awesome. And every day you wake up wishing you were me.

Anyways, here are some other things I am:

Jonny is a lemon and is crazy's.
Jonny is a Retard!
Jonny Is A Hoax?
DAMMMNN, that jonny is a god. He wakes up in the morning and pisses excellence. (Lots of other definitions at Urban Dictionary)
Jonny is a wonderful character.
Jonny is a passionate fan of the Atlanta Braves.
Jonny is a manufactured jinker.
Jonny is a tall, lanky, long haired-hippie who struts around bellbottomed and barefoot.
Jonny is a top Scottish and UK junior player of great potential.
Jonny is a cool little dude with his Hindu friend and little dog.
Jonny is a carbon-copy of Steve.
Jonny is a class act and always will be.
Jonny is a gifted word picture writer.
Jonny is a nice fellow.
Jonny is a saint.
Jonny is a hater like his mother who is a fat lard and a slure.
Jonny is a professional percussionist. He created a band called Junkyard Symphony.
Jonny is a guest artist on Steven Curtis Chapman's new CD "All Things New."
Jonny is a Snablesnot Male Stalker who has made AIN his home, and intends to stay!
Jonny is a stickler for detail, both on properties and with his equipment.
Jonny is a bright, impressive younger leader in the UK church who is connected with the Church of England.
Jonny is a mysterious figure who once mined the earth for fuel, and now spends all his waking hours scouring the net for brilliant broadband.
jonny is a fan of: 7 people.
Jonny is a friendly 1-year-old German shepherd.
Jonny is a busy DJ, hired for interesting fashion and art evenings.
Jonny is a laid back slob basically, who doesn't want to work at all unless it is possibly working with biscuits.
Jonny is a 4.5-metre great white shark.
Jonny is a hero of mine.
My mate Jonny is a looker / His habit is a one night stand / He used to walk the streets in the usual way / Oh what a pretty man
Jonny is a compulsive liar, he has been all his life.
Jonny is a bloke, and he's very accessible for Western audiences.
Jonny is a well developed 14 yr old lad he has an incredible pain thresh-hold and plays the game more committed than most.
Jonny is a hot tip to replace the Queen, given that her knee problems seem likely to make it impossible for her to continue long to reign over us.
Jonny is a bit of a whitebread bore himself.
Jonny is a director of the Belgravia Centre and although not a trichologist, has spent much of his time over the past 6 years studying hair loss and scalp problems.
Jonny is a very experienced and capable sailor.
Jonny is a sensitive soul with a nice haircut, he attracts the beautiful and oh, so innocent Toffee (Candice Nicole) to his letterman jacket.
Jonny is a shy person who doesn't enjoy interviews because he feels he comes across as an idiot.
Jonny is a very keen sport climber, spending his evenings off down the crag whenever possible.
Jonny is a very likable everyman, neither too dumb nor overweeningly brilliant.
Jonny is a dealer of fertilizer, hay net wrap, baler twine, plastic, and minerals.
Jonny is a Hollyoaks and Horrid Henry fan and his favourite musical, apart from Oliver, is Wicked.
Jonny is a fly boy, mad boy, bad boy.
Jonny is a busy man and I personally don't know how he fits it all in.

And that's just in the first ten pages of hits!

Additionally, I spoke at the Intermediate School morning assembly today, and I killed. I'm like freaking Demetri Martin or something.


Thursday, February 28, 2008

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Snow storms and gun fights

Item one: I don't mean to come off as a snow-snob, bragging about how awesome I am because I learned how to drive in the winter-wonderland known as Hillsdale, Michigan, but you'd think Vermonters would be a little bit savvier about driving in the snow. Granted, it's Storm City outside right now, but everyone, and I mean everyone, completely freaks out when it snows around here. And we live in the freaking mountains. Seriously, people. The Mountains.

Now I've never had snow tires on any of my vehicles, so I've had to learn how to drive, you know, correctly, in the midst of snow and ice. And basically, there are three simple rules for staying out of the ditch:

  1. Break sooner than usual / but not so hard as usual.
  2. Accelerate slower than usual / with less gas than usual.
  3. Don't overcompensate with the wheel when you start to slide.
And basically, that's it. I just solved all your problems, Vermont. You can thank me later.

Item one end.

Item two: There was a shooting three blocks away from my house! This is better than Chicago! And it was over the reefer, usually a "safe" drug. Seriously, the dealers around here are idiots. I could own this town in under a year.

Damn my ethics!

End item two.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

A Juanuary Sanchez Post Full of Snow

There is snow out right now, but not much. January can't decide whether she wants it hot or cold. If she's not careful, God might spit her out his mouth. Or mouf. Sppppewit!

But here some December pictures of Rutland in lotsa blustery-snowiness. Also, downtown dies after 8 O'Clock. Bummer.

I work there! There is where I work!

My favorite fire hydrant! Fire hydrant #1!

Depot Park! The smallest, lamest park in Rutland; except in December when they light the trees.

During the summer, they close this road off sometimes and let lame bands play. In the upper right hand corner is the clock tower (blurry). It makes me want to scream, "The clock tower, Marty!" every time I see it at night.

Jonny discovers his flash! Use that flash in the snow, Jonny! Now you're cookin'!

Paramount Theatre! Home of just about everything in Rutland that needs a theater. (Except movies.)

Peaceful downtown Rutland, much as it looks from 7pm-5am every single day.

Just up the road. Also peaceful. With churches!

Same corner. Different night.

A side street in downtown. I guess it's not special enough for lights or decorations.

Another lame park, called Alley Park, I think. It's behind some main street buildings, and it's really just a smoking park. I like to call it Lantern Waste.

See what I mean? If I had geeky C.S. Lewis fans around here, they'd all call it Lantern Waste, too. I don't. So they don't either.

Some wicked graffiti by Lantern Waste.

Goodnight moon.

So that's more of my town. It looks much nicer under snow than it does during June. Cruel June! Why do you taunt us so!?