New Blog! New Digs! Taye Diggs New Apartment!

I have a new blog. Because this one is bo-ring. I took a few months sabbatical from the internets and now I am someplace new. Please find me at 2000yearoldman.blogspot.com affectionately know as 2000 year old man, which I will be this September.

Two things I love about 2010 vs. 0010: flush toilets and hot pockets. More to come on the new blog. Check it out. Hyperlinks!

Kid Stuff

I had to post this. Please do not reveal to 6th grader J. that I shared this on the interwebs. But it was too good not to.

Friends

Friendly, fun
Respectful
Ice Cream
Eat food with each other
Nice, Never, Fight
Do things together
Share secrets

Book Excerpt #1

"Jesus gives people obstacles to make them stronger, so that they can win. He plays beautiful tricks on us."

from The Trickster Christ, by Jonathan Rice

Good Job at Failing, Gigantic Crumbling Music Biz

OK Go have a new single-take video that's sure to tear up the internets. Except their record label doesn't understand how to do this, and they've disabled embedded video for blogs and sites and whatnot. It's amazing that people with degrees in marketing and PR have no idea how Web 2.0 works, or how to use it as a promotional tool. The record industry will be dead in ten years. Tops.

...Oh, and the lists still exist. Just somewhere not called this blog.

100 Best TV Shows of the Decade: 100-91

This might have been the hardest part of the listing process. The top shows fell together pretty easy. The bottom 20 were toughest because I had about 60 shows to squeeze into 20 spots. Sorry, X-Files. Seeing as how only Seasons 8-9 fell in the 00s, you got the shaft, along with Heroes, Malcolm in the Middle, Ugly Betty, Spaced, Boomtown, Harvey Birdman and Keen Eddie.

So without further ado, 100-81:

100. Lizzie McGuire -- Ha! What were you expecting would be the worst of the best? Or the best of the worst? Everybody Loves Raymond? Most assuredly not! Anyone who's watched and enjoyed both Arrested Development and Lizzie McGuire will understand that the latter is basically a carbon copy of the former, only with less inappropriate humor and more loving familiness. What All That was to SNL, Lizzie McGuire was to AD. Easily the funniest kid show of the decade. And easily 100 on my list.

99. Scrubs -- For some reason, I just couldn't get past Zach Braff and his shenanigans. From time to time they were okay. BUT HE WAS ALWAYS TALKING! If J.D. were played by, say, Jason Schwartzman, Jason Siegel, or even Jason Statham, I would have enjoyed this show much much more. John C. McGinley, Neil Flynn and Judy Reyes are brilliant comedic actors, and deserves high praise from a peculiar people. Zach Braff? Drops the show to 99. Sorry, dude.

98. That 70s Show -- This sitcom should suck. And I'll readily admit, the last couple of season actually do. A cast of no name kids (at least, back then) who hang out in a basement in 70s Wisconsin? Really!? But Bonnie and Terry Turner wrote their hearts out on this one, and struck comedy gold with a cast of kids who really understood timing and sharing the stage. That combo's what elevates this one into the top 100. Also, Mila Kunis and Laura Prepon. They helped, too.

97. Everybody Hates Chris -- I told you in the intro, comedy rules in this house. You bring the funny, you get blogged about. This blog is why Chris Rock created a sitcom based on his life. This honor, number 97 out of 100, is the only thing Chris Rock ever wanted. I really, really wish more funny people who aren't white would get sitcomes these days. UPN was really the only network going out of their way to make that happen. And then they merged.With the whitest station. On the planet. Game over. Sorry, Chris. You'll always have No. 97.

96. Supernatural -- Speaking of the whitest station on the planet....Buffy and Angel made a name for supernatural dramedy on the WB, a torch Supernatural currently carries for the CW. While it's never quite reached the heights of its predecessors, the chronicles of the Winchester brothers do a fine job of bringing the funny while slaying demons and putting family first.

95. The Middleman -- Oh, ABC Family. You had no business airing this series. Twelve episodes of comic book to TV goodness. Javier Grillo-Marxuach (of Lost and Jake 2.0 fame) brought his graphic novels to ABC Family, not Sci-Fi or USA, and the show was screwed before it ever aired. Shame was, it was a really fun show, an odd mix of sci-fi/pop-culture zaniness, 1940s screwball comedy, and two secret agents, who on a weekly basis, saved the world from mad scientists, evil aliens and extra dimensional beings hellbent on destroying and/or taking over the world. Pure fun. But having nothing to do with the ABC Family brand. Oh well.

94. The IT Crowd -- On the BBC! The first of many British hits to grace this list, the IT Crowd tells the story of two socially inept technicians who get stuck with a technological illiterate female boss, and get shat upon by their corporate overlords episode after episode. Set in the basement of their company's London headquarters, nerd hilarity ensues. With accents. Anybody who's ever fixed a piece of technology for a co-worker will understand...but I guess you had to be there.

93. The Brak Show -- Adult Swim is an acquired taste. Most of their shows are hit and miss, but when they hit, they hit very, very well. The Brak Show was never the funniest show on Adult Swim, but the Brak character was one of the most ridiculous on television for a while. Originally a send-up of the suburban sitcom, most episodes took on the same hyper-surreal situations that Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Sealab 2021 made famous. And that Brak character. Oh my.

92. Warehouse 13 -- Quirk meet Sci-Fi; Sci-Fi meet quirk. TV writer extraordinaire Jane Espenson set the tone for this show, and Eddie McClintock and Joanne Kelly brought it to life as Secret Service agents who recover mysterious objects for storage in the even mysterious-ier Warehouse 13. Honestly, there is nothing special about this show other than its cast. No disrespect to the concept or the staff writers or the effects, but without McClintock, Kelly and the supporting cast of CCH Pounder, Saul Rubinek and Allison Scagliotti this would read like Sci-Fi's less than stellar fare (see Sanctuary, the Stargate franchise, et al). Funny characters are the best.

91. Brothers & Sisters -- A non-science fiction, non-sitcom! Rejoice! Brothers & Sisters would be much higher on this list if the morons at ABC had never fired Jon Robin Baitz after season one and Justin and Rebecca never started sleeping together after the new writers decided that they weren't related anymore. Whatevs. After a rocky start, Greg Berlanti joined Baitz and Ken Olin to craft one near-perfect season of family dramatics. And that cast: Flockhart, Griffiths, Rifkin, Wettig, Field, Rhys, Getty, Annabelle, Lowe, VanCamp....why does this show have to suck so much post-Baitz! Damn you, ABC! Damn you!!!

Let the listing begin

100 Greatest TV Shows of the 00s ~ Introductory Notes & Ground Rules

I've been working on this one for a few weeks now.

While the decade lists for music, film and etc. will be much, much shorter, I've gone all out with the TV one. Over the next couple of weeks I'll roll out my picks for the top 100 television shows of the 00s. Of course, it'll be my top 100 shows, which'll mean some glaring omissions, of course. I never really got into much of what FX has to offer, like the Shield, Rescue Me and Nip/Tuck. And while I enjoyed the Sopranos, it didn't crack my top ten. Also, up until last week, I was sure Freaks and Geeks aired in 98-99. But Alan Sepinwall reminded me that while Freaks debuted in fall of 1999, more than few new episodes aired in 2000 -- a pleasant surprise that brings me to my ground rules.

1. Shows in question must have had a first-run airdate between 2000-09. No exceptions.
2. Episodes of shows in question that aired before 2000 do not count in determining their ranking. Not good news for Buffy and the X-Files, which we'll get to over the next few days.
3. Shows in question must have produced at least six episodes, though not all episodes had to air on the original network -- i.e., Bryan Fuller's Wonderfalls is in. Mini-series are not.
4. Finally, I excluded reality shows, news, sports, and talk shows only because I didn't care to write about them, even if some might have made the list. Nothing objective about this rule. Just my preference. Many apologies to the Daily Show and Craig Ferguson. Sketch comedy, however, is in like sin. Because this is my list, dammit!

And that's really it.

Some caveats. All of these shows are in English. While I do love the small screen, I don't claim to know my Korean soaps or every international version of the Office. For that, I apologize. The BBC and ITV are represented quite well. Canada gets two shows, and Australia one. The rest come form the good old US of A. Having only seen the Onion AV Club's 00-list, I think my list might be a little comedy heavy as compared to others. But over the next few weeks we'll see if the real critics like to laugh as much as I do. Also, I have no aversion to ranking science fiction alongside more "realistic" programs. Spoiler Alert! Battlestar is ranked higher than the Sopranos. Deal with it.

I hope someone out there has as much fun reading this as I had writing it.

(P.S. I'll probably post an abbreviated version of this over at Saniel Bonders's sometime soon, but check it out as the list action has already begun. Happy listing!)

Red Pill Blue Pill

 I can't play fantasy football anymore, even though it's the only part about football that I still like. Dan Hopper explains why:

As of Monday night, I was trailing my game by two points going into the Monday Night Football game between Houston and Tennessee, and I still had Houston receiver Andre Johnson yet to play, but my opponent had Matt Schaub, Houston’s quarterback, who’d be throwing the ball to Johnson and essentially canceling out his points.

But, rather than assume I was going to lose, ignore a boring NFL game that had no impact on the standings, and spend my night usefully by reading a book or planting a tree or whatever valuable people who don’t play fantasy football do, I sat on the couch watching the Texans play the Titans and rooted for Andre Johnson to catch a touchdown but for Matt Schaub to also throw two interceptions afterward to drag his points back below Johnson’s. This is not an actual thing anyone does.

Fortunately I was joined on the couch by my roommate, who had absolutely no stake in the game other than needing Tennessee’s Rob Bironas to kick ONE field goal so he could win his fantasy game for the week. So basically, the two of us — a Steeler fan and a Giants fan — watched a regular season Texans/Titans Monday Night game with me shouting at the tv hoping for Matt Schaub interceptions or for the running back to throw a touchdown pass to Andre Johnson (but only Andre Johnson), and my roommate rooting for the Titans until they got to the opposing 30 and then rooting against them.

Could the inventors of Football — John J. Football III and his cohorts — have possibly foreseen something so specifically pathetic ever deriving from their innocent pastime? If so, they were terrible people.

I wish the Dan Hopper I knew back at summer camp had written this. Sadly, no. It's the Dan Hopper from Best Week Ever.tv. Sometimes, though, I pretend they're the same person.

Roy Halladay. Nice guy. Great pitcher. Just not worth it.

Alright, I don't usually post in response to satirical weblogs, but I just couldn't help it with this one. It Is High, It Is Far recently opined that it would be wiser for the Yankees to let Boston land Roy Halladay, sign John Lackey, and keep our prospects for ourselves (or for a future trade for Josh Johnson or Felix Hernandez). And while it's satire (partly), they make an excellent point. Roy Halladay will cost everything, leaving the Yankees nothing for Johnson and King Felix or for their own ballclub (as far as prospects are concerned).

Some points are in order:

1. Roy Halladay is 32 years old, and will be 33 by next summer. The buzz around the baseball internets is that Halladay could be a starting pitcher who ages well, because of the effectiveness of his two-seamer, which works like a sinker (his curve and cutter are pretty nasty, too). Halladay isn't an ace because he simply throws hard, he throws strikes and get guys to ground out a whole heck of a lot (Fangraphs). Even with this data, I go back to the fact that he's nearly 33 years old. And he wants a contract extension upon being traded. That means he'll be pitching in pinstripes until he's 36, and maybe even longer. With CC and AJ signed for the next few years, that doesn't seem like smart business sense: having a bunch of 30 year old pitchers (i.e., players who tend to break down faster or more often than their better-hitting peers) with longish contracts.

2. Roy Halladay will cost the Yankees Jesus Montero and either Joba or Hughes. Jesus is the real deal (Yankee Universe), and if he manages to stick around at catcher (which is still up in the air), he will rake at a usually offensive-thin position. The Yankees have had Jorge Posada so long (and Matt Nokes/Mike Stanley before that) that most fans forget what it was like to trot Don Slaught and Bob Geren and even Joe Girardi out there to catch and not hit. Parting with Jesus Montero would be easier for a King Felix type because he's only 23 (twenty-three!) years old. Likewise, Johnson is nearly 26. These guys are just hitting their prime. Halladay is not. He is in his decline years. You don't trade Jesus for decline years. You just don't.

3. If the Yankees trade either Joba/Hughes and Jesus to Toronto for Halladay, the Red Sox get Josh Johnson or King Felix. This will happen. It's not a matter of if these guys will get moved, it's a matter of when. Florida and Seattle simply cannot afford to keep these boys around anymore than they could afford to sign CC Sabathia last year. If the Yankees trade for Doc's declining years, the Red Sox get one of the two young aces. They will have kept their prospects, while the Yankees will have dealt theirs. It's a simple matter of investment of available resources. If the Yankees trade cheap and effective resources for Doc Halladay, the Red Sox will have cheap and effective resources for Felix and Johnson. This is simple economics. Also, it will break our hearts when 37-year-old Halladay pitches a gutsy 7 inning, 4 run performance but still loses in the ALCS to a breathtaking Felix Hernandez (8 IPs, 5 hits, 1 ER) in his 27-year-old prime. It will kill us to lose to the Red Sox like that. Especially if Jesus hits 30+ HRs in Toronto that year (instead of safely out of sight in Seattle). That will kill us doubly. As many of those HRs will come against us.

That's alot of words on baseball, which is unusual for this site. But dammit if that satirical weblog didn't get me going. Let the Red Sox pay for Halladay. Even if they don't overpay, it will put them out of the running for the young aces, with (fingers-crossed) thousands of innings left on their beautiful, cherbiclike arms. If we could magically know that Joba, Hughes and Jesus will amount to nothing, then this trade would be a no-brainer. (But then it'd be a no-brainer for Toronto, too.) But we know nothing, other than how much upside these kids have. Don't trade them for someone's decline years. Keep them. Sign Lackey. Or Sheets. Or maybe Duchscherer.

Keep the kids. Unless King Felix falls in your lap. Then ship 'em out to Singapore.

(Pic courtesy of this blog, whose name is confusing.)

Milestones & Rebranding

That last post on the Pixies was my 100th on the new blog. I guess it's not so new anymore. Considering the old one had around 400 posts, I've still got a ways to go. Also, I need a new name for this kiddo. The New Xanga just isn't cutting it anymore...

However, if I kept it for another four or five years, it might become ironic. Right?

Right?!