the (new) xanga

New Blog! New Digs! Taye Diggs New Apartment!

2010-06-17T03:54:00.001-04:00

I have a new blog. Because this one is bo-ring. I took a few months sabbatical from the internets and now I am someplace new. Please find me at 2000yearoldman.blogspot.com affectionately know as 2000 year old man, which I will be this September.

Two things I love about 2010 vs. 0010: flush toilets and hot pockets. More to come on the new blog. Check it out. Hyperlinks!

Kid Stuff

2010-01-28T19:56:00.000-05:00

I had to post this. Please do not reveal to 6th grader J. that I shared this on the interwebs. But it was too good not to.

Friends

Friendly, fun
Respectful
Ice Cream
Eat food with each other
Nice, Never, Fight
Do things together
Share secrets

Book Excerpt #1

2010-01-26T11:24:00.001-05:00

"Jesus gives people obstacles to make them stronger, so that they can win. He plays beautiful tricks on us."

from The Trickster Christ, by Jonathan Rice

Good Job at Failing, Gigantic Crumbling Music Biz

2010-01-13T02:19:00.000-05:00

OK Go have a new single-take video that's sure to tear up the internets. Except their record label doesn't understand how to do this, and they've disabled embedded video for blogs and sites and whatnot. It's amazing that people with degrees in marketing and PR have no idea how Web 2.0 works, or how to use it as a promotional tool. The record industry will be dead in ten years. Tops.

...Oh, and the lists still exist. Just somewhere not called this blog.

100 Best TV Shows of the Decade: 100-91

2009-12-10T21:53:00.001-05:00

This might have been the hardest part of the listing process. The top shows fell together pretty easy. The bottom 20 were toughest because I had about 60 shows to squeeze into 20 spots. Sorry, X-Files. Seeing as how only Seasons 8-9 fell in the 00s, you got the shaft, along with Heroes, Malcolm in the Middle, Ugly Betty, Spaced, Boomtown, Harvey Birdman and Keen Eddie.

So without further ado, 100-81:

100. Lizzie McGuire -- Ha! What were you expecting would be the worst of the best? Or the best of the worst? Everybody Loves Raymond? Most assuredly not! Anyone who's watched and enjoyed both Arrested Development and Lizzie McGuire will understand that the latter is basically a carbon copy of the former, only with less inappropriate humor and more loving familiness. What All That was to SNL, Lizzie McGuire was to AD. Easily the funniest kid show of the decade. And easily 100 on my list.

99. Scrubs -- For some reason, I just couldn't get past Zach Braff and his shenanigans. From time to time they were okay. BUT HE WAS ALWAYS TALKING! If J.D. were played by, say, Jason Schwartzman, Jason Siegel, or even Jason Statham, I would have enjoyed this show much much more. John C. McGinley, Neil Flynn and Judy Reyes are brilliant comedic actors, and deserves high praise from a peculiar people. Zach Braff? Drops the show to 99. Sorry, dude.

98. That 70s Show -- This sitcom should suck. And I'll readily admit, the last couple of season actually do. A cast of no name kids (at least, back then) who hang out in a basement in 70s Wisconsin? Really!? But Bonnie and Terry Turner wrote their hearts out on this one, and struck comedy gold with a cast of kids who really understood timing and sharing the stage. That combo's what elevates this one into the top 100. Also, Mila Kunis and Laura Prepon. They helped, too.

97. Everybody Hates Chris -- I told you in the intro, comedy rules in this house. You bring the funny, you get blogged about. This blog is why Chris Rock created a sitcom based on his life. This honor, number 97 out of 100, is the only thing Chris Rock ever wanted. I really, really wish more funny people who aren't white would get sitcomes these days. UPN was really the only network going out of their way to make that happen. And then they merged.With the whitest station. On the planet. Game over. Sorry, Chris. You'll always have No. 97.

96. Supernatural -- Speaking of the whitest station on the planet....Buffy and Angel made a name for supernatural dramedy on the WB, a torch Supernatural currently carries for the CW. While it's never quite reached the heights of its predecessors, the chronicles of the Winchester brothers do a fine job of bringing the funny while slaying demons and putting family first.

95. The Middleman -- Oh, ABC Family. You had no business airing this series. Twelve episodes of comic book to TV goodness. Javier Grillo-Marxuach (of Lost and Jake 2.0 fame) brought his graphic novels to ABC Family, not Sci-Fi or USA, and the show was screwed before it ever aired. Shame was, it was a really fun show, an odd mix of sci-fi/pop-culture zaniness, 1940s screwball comedy, and two secret agents, who on a weekly basis, saved the world from mad scientists, evil aliens and extra dimensional beings hellbent on destroying and/or taking over the world. Pure fun. But having nothing to do with the ABC Family brand. Oh well.

94. The IT Crowd -- On the BBC! The first of many British hits to grace this list, the IT Crowd tells the story of two socially inept technicians who get stuck with a technological illiterate female boss, and get shat upon by their corporate overlords episode after episode. Set in the basement of their company's London headquarters, nerd hilarity ensues. With accents. Anybody who's ever fixed a piece of technology for a co-worker will understand...but I guess you had to be there.

93. The Brak Show -- Adult Swim is an acquired taste. Most of their shows are hit and miss, but when they hit, they hit very, very well. The Brak Show was never the funniest show on Adult Swim, but the Brak character was one of the most ridiculous on television for a while. Originally a send-up of the suburban sitcom, most episodes took on the same hyper-surreal situations that Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Sealab 2021 made famous. And that Brak character. Oh my.

92. Warehouse 13 -- Quirk meet Sci-Fi; Sci-Fi meet quirk. TV writer extraordinaire Jane Espenson set the tone for this show, and Eddie McClintock and Joanne Kelly brought it to life as Secret Service agents who recover mysterious objects for storage in the even mysterious-ier Warehouse 13. Honestly, there is nothing special about this show other than its cast. No disrespect to the concept or the staff writers or the effects, but without McClintock, Kelly and the supporting cast of CCH Pounder, Saul Rubinek and Allison Scagliotti this would read like Sci-Fi's less than stellar fare (see Sanctuary, the Stargate franchise, et al). Funny characters are the best.

91. Brothers & Sisters -- A non-science fiction, non-sitcom! Rejoice! Brothers & Sisters would be much higher on this list if the morons at ABC had never fired Jon Robin Baitz after season one and Justin and Rebecca never started sleeping together after the new writers decided that they weren't related anymore. Whatevs. After a rocky start, Greg Berlanti joined Baitz and Ken Olin to craft one near-perfect season of family dramatics. And that cast: Flockhart, Griffiths, Rifkin, Wettig, Field, Rhys, Getty, Annabelle, Lowe, VanCamp....why does this show have to suck so much post-Baitz! Damn you, ABC! Damn you!!!

Let the listing begin

2009-12-02T22:01:00.001-05:00

100 Greatest TV Shows of the 00s ~ Introductory Notes & Ground Rules

I've been working on this one for a few weeks now.

While the decade lists for music, film and etc. will be much, much shorter, I've gone all out with the TV one. Over the next couple of weeks I'll roll out my picks for the top 100 television shows of the 00s. Of course, it'll be my top 100 shows, which'll mean some glaring omissions, of course. I never really got into much of what FX has to offer, like the Shield, Rescue Me and Nip/Tuck. And while I enjoyed the Sopranos, it didn't crack my top ten. Also, up until last week, I was sure Freaks and Geeks aired in 98-99. But Alan Sepinwall reminded me that while Freaks debuted in fall of 1999, more than few new episodes aired in 2000 -- a pleasant surprise that brings me to my ground rules.

1. Shows in question must have had a first-run airdate between 2000-09. No exceptions.
2. Episodes of shows in question that aired before 2000 do not count in determining their ranking. Not good news for Buffy and the X-Files, which we'll get to over the next few days.
3. Shows in question must have produced at least six episodes, though not all episodes had to air on the original network -- i.e., Bryan Fuller's Wonderfalls is in. Mini-series are not.
4. Finally, I excluded reality shows, news, sports, and talk shows only because I didn't care to write about them, even if some might have made the list. Nothing objective about this rule. Just my preference. Many apologies to the Daily Show and Craig Ferguson. Sketch comedy, however, is in like sin. Because this is my list, dammit!

And that's really it.

Some caveats. All of these shows are in English. While I do love the small screen, I don't claim to know my Korean soaps or every international version of the Office. For that, I apologize. The BBC and ITV are represented quite well. Canada gets two shows, and Australia one. The rest come form the good old US of A. Having only seen the Onion AV Club's 00-list, I think my list might be a little comedy heavy as compared to others. But over the next few weeks we'll see if the real critics like to laugh as much as I do. Also, I have no aversion to ranking science fiction alongside more "realistic" programs. Spoiler Alert! Battlestar is ranked higher than the Sopranos. Deal with it.

I hope someone out there has as much fun reading this as I had writing it.

(P.S. I'll probably post an abbreviated version of this over at Saniel Bonders's sometime soon, but check it out as the list action has already begun. Happy listing!)

Red Pill Blue Pill

2009-12-01T01:00:00.002-05:00

I can't play fantasy football anymore, even though it's the only part about football that I still like. Dan Hopper explains why:

As of Monday night, I was trailing my game by two points going into the Monday Night Football game between Houston and Tennessee, and I still had Houston receiver Andre Johnson yet to play, but my opponent had Matt Schaub, Houston’s quarterback, who’d be throwing the ball to Johnson and essentially canceling out his points.

But, rather than assume I was going to lose, ignore a boring NFL game that had no impact on the standings, and spend my night usefully by reading a book or planting a tree or whatever valuable people who don’t play fantasy football do, I sat on the couch watching the Texans play the Titans and rooted for Andre Johnson to catch a touchdown but for Matt Schaub to also throw two interceptions afterward to drag his points back below Johnson’s. This is not an actual thing anyone does.

Fortunately I was joined on the couch by my roommate, who had absolutely no stake in the game other than needing Tennessee’s Rob Bironas to kick ONE field goal so he could win his fantasy game for the week. So basically, the two of us — a Steeler fan and a Giants fan — watched a regular season Texans/Titans Monday Night game with me shouting at the tv hoping for Matt Schaub interceptions or for the running back to throw a touchdown pass to Andre Johnson (but only Andre Johnson), and my roommate rooting for the Titans until they got to the opposing 30 and then rooting against them.

Could the inventors of Football — John J. Football III and his cohorts — have possibly foreseen something so specifically pathetic ever deriving from their innocent pastime? If so, they were terrible people.

I wish the Dan Hopper I knew back at summer camp had written this. Sadly, no. It's the Dan Hopper from Best Week Ever.tv. Sometimes, though, I pretend they're the same person.

Roy Halladay. Nice guy. Great pitcher. Just not worth it.

2009-11-29T23:39:00.002-05:00

Alright, I don't usually post in response to satirical weblogs, but I just couldn't help it with this one. It Is High, It Is Far recently opined that it would be wiser for the Yankees to let Boston land Roy Halladay, sign John Lackey, and keep our prospects for ourselves (or for a future trade for Josh Johnson or Felix Hernandez). And while it's satire (partly), they make an excellent point. Roy Halladay will cost everything, leaving the Yankees nothing for Johnson and King Felix or for their own ballclub (as far as prospects are concerned).

Some points are in order:

1. Roy Halladay is 32 years old, and will be 33 by next summer. The buzz around the baseball internets is that Halladay could be a starting pitcher who ages well, because of the effectiveness of his two-seamer, which works like a sinker (his curve and cutter are pretty nasty, too). Halladay isn't an ace because he simply throws hard, he throws strikes and get guys to ground out a whole heck of a lot (Fangraphs). Even with this data, I go back to the fact that he's nearly 33 years old. And he wants a contract extension upon being traded. That means he'll be pitching in pinstripes until he's 36, and maybe even longer. With CC and AJ signed for the next few years, that doesn't seem like smart business sense: having a bunch of 30 year old pitchers (i.e., players who tend to break down faster or more often than their better-hitting peers) with longish contracts.

2. Roy Halladay will cost the Yankees Jesus Montero and either Joba or Hughes. Jesus is the real deal (Yankee Universe), and if he manages to stick around at catcher (which is still up in the air), he will rake at a usually offensive-thin position. The Yankees have had Jorge Posada so long (and Matt Nokes/Mike Stanley before that) that most fans forget what it was like to trot Don Slaught and Bob Geren and even Joe Girardi out there to catch and not hit. Parting with Jesus Montero would be easier for a King Felix type because he's only 23 (twenty-three!) years old. Likewise, Johnson is nearly 26. These guys are just hitting their prime. Halladay is not. He is in his decline years. You don't trade Jesus for decline years. You just don't.

3. If the Yankees trade either Joba/Hughes and Jesus to Toronto for Halladay, the Red Sox get Josh Johnson or King Felix. This will happen. It's not a matter of if these guys will get moved, it's a matter of when. Florida and Seattle simply cannot afford to keep these boys around anymore than they could afford to sign CC Sabathia last year. If the Yankees trade for Doc's declining years, the Red Sox get one of the two young aces. They will have kept their prospects, while the Yankees will have dealt theirs. It's a simple matter of investment of available resources. If the Yankees trade cheap and effective resources for Doc Halladay, the Red Sox will have cheap and effective resources for Felix and Johnson. This is simple economics. Also, it will break our hearts when 37-year-old Halladay pitches a gutsy 7 inning, 4 run performance but still loses in the ALCS to a breathtaking Felix Hernandez (8 IPs, 5 hits, 1 ER) in his 27-year-old prime. It will kill us to lose to the Red Sox like that. Especially if Jesus hits 30+ HRs in Toronto that year (instead of safely out of sight in Seattle). That will kill us doubly. As many of those HRs will come against us.

That's alot of words on baseball, which is unusual for this site. But dammit if that satirical weblog didn't get me going. Let the Red Sox pay for Halladay. Even if they don't overpay, it will put them out of the running for the young aces, with (fingers-crossed) thousands of innings left on their beautiful, cherbiclike arms. If we could magically know that Joba, Hughes and Jesus will amount to nothing, then this trade would be a no-brainer. (But then it'd be a no-brainer for Toronto, too.) But we know nothing, other than how much upside these kids have. Don't trade them for someone's decline years. Keep them. Sign Lackey. Or Sheets. Or maybe Duchscherer.

Keep the kids. Unless King Felix falls in your lap. Then ship 'em out to Singapore.

(Pic courtesy of this blog, whose name is confusing.)

Milestones & Rebranding

2009-11-29T22:38:00.001-05:00

That last post on the Pixies was my 100th on the new blog. I guess it's not so new anymore. Considering the old one had around 400 posts, I've still got a ways to go. Also, I need a new name for this kiddo. The New Xanga just isn't cutting it anymore...

However, if I kept it for another four or five years, it might become ironic. Right?

Right?!

Slicing Up Eyeballs

2009-11-28T13:47:00.000-05:00

The Pixies on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon earlier this week performing "Debaser" and "Hey".

Alls I want to know is, who the hell are these foks on the fake fire escapes behind them?

[via Slicing Up Eyeballs]

The other (other) black guy: Kenan Thompson

2009-11-26T00:22:00.000-05:00

This is exactly what ought to happen when the kid from All That and the 1997 smash hit film Good Burger takes over Saturday Night Live.

p.s. Happy Thanksgiving

Friemblies: Jeff Magnum and Elephant 6

2009-11-22T22:01:00.001-05:00

Jeff Magnum at the Knitting Factory in 1998 courtesy of Merge Records [via Pitchfork].

Jeff Magnum's disappearance is still one big ball of mystery to me. I didn't get into Neutral Milk Hotel until after Jeff stopped touring and recording, but I can see why he still has such a rabid fan base. He's the kind of performer he throws himself completely into his act. And on top of that, his affiliation with the Elephant 6 Collective puts him into that awesome-est of musical cliches that really, actually work: friends making music together. It's why, ten years later, I'm still obsessed with David Bazan, Damien Jurado, Rosie Thomas, Sufjan Stevens and Daniel Smith, even if some of their recent material has been a bit uneven. They're not the sort to be unaffected by their music. And they don't mind handling background vocals for their peeps.

Too cool

2009-11-17T00:29:00.003-05:00

While you were busy freaking about Lea Michelle and Chris Colfer killing "Defying Gravity" on last week's Glee, Toshiba was sending armchairs into space. Yes, I realize that this is a commercial for a television set that I do not care about and won't be able to afford until 2027, but it's still 82 flavors of awesome. Video is below. Plus bonus video further down about how they pulled it off.

"Blah, blah, blah. Toshiba's the shiz. I'm such a wanker."

Great commercial though.

friemblies

2009-11-14T11:12:00.001-05:00

Alex Belth at bronxbanterblog has a short post about Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks and nostalgia this morning, inspired by a Q&A in the NY Times with the men behind "The 2,000 Year Old Man." Check out Alex's thoughts and snippets of the bit from YouTube. What struck me most came at the end of the Times article, with this interplay between Brooks and Reiner:

Q. Sixty years later it seems you see a lot of each other now.

REINER Yeah, we got that big screen [gestures to incredibly large flat-screen monitor] to look at television.

Q. So you come here, Mel, and you watch TV together?

BROOKS Almost every night. He’s got a wonderful housekeeper-cook and we decide on a menu and a movie.

Q. What did you watch most recently?

BROOKS We watched last night “The Peacemaker.” With Nicole Kidman and, come on. [He gestures to Mr. Reiner.]

REINER George Clooney.

BROOKS Right. It was two and a half stars at the most. Good performances, very silly, you know.

REINER We look for movies with the line “Secure the perimeter.”

BROOKS Yeah, we like movies that say, “Secure the perimeter” and/or “You better get some rest.”

REINER “Lock all doors!”

BROOKS “I want a five-block seal!”

I need to watch more movies with funny friends. Seriously.

Date Night

2009-11-12T01:24:00.001-05:00

I hope to Jebus this is rated R because I don't think I can handle a PG-13 version of Pineapple Express minus the stoner comedy and gratuitous violence, no matter how much Tina Fey it's got.

Watch the trailer for Date Night via Apple.com

Sometimes, you've gotta break the rules.

2009-11-10T02:32:00.000-05:00

I don't get this. How is it kosher for American actors (Serious Actors!) to do 30-second spots, overseas, for high-end European coffee machinery, but not for, say, Burger King?

...

I just answered my own question, didn't I.

via TV Squad

Best show on TV. Srsly.

2009-11-09T23:40:00.002-05:00

There is nothing else like Friday Night Lights on television right now. I mean, I'm talking The Wire and Deadwood good. Except you can watch this one with the kids. Thank you 8 pound 6 ounce new born baby Jesus, for bringing us East Dillon football. Amen.

On why newspapers need to keep copy editors on the payroll

2009-11-05T21:29:00.000-05:00

From the desk of Mike Lupicia:

The Yankees had won the World Series again, and they all came running for Mo Rivera and this was all the Yankee Stadium night you could ask for now. Any Stadium. Rivera had gotten the last out of another Series, and now players from one of the great Yankee teams, which is exactly what this one became in the end, seemed to come running from everywhere, maybe even from across the street, on the night when the Yankees were finally back to being the Yankees again.

I've read this paragraph five or six times now, and I still have no idea what it means. It's in English, right? I think those are words. I'm sure those are words. I see nouns and verbs and even punctuation. But what does it mean?

And the kicker? Mike Lupicia is not a blogger. Mike Lupicia is a sports journalist. Good luck with that, newspaper industry.

Never thought I'd see this...

2009-11-05T10:40:00.000-05:00

Click for the bigger pic.

Basically a commercial for FOX, but I can live with it.

2009-11-01T16:04:00.000-05:00

Absolutely gross product placement to lure both baseball fans and the patriotic, but come on...it's the cast of Glee singing the national anthem! Watch this show patriotic baseball fans! Your national anthem just got owned. Chalk another one up for corporate synergy!

Via TV Squad

They don't love you like I love you

2009-11-01T00:32:00.000-04:00

Via Brian's Fun with Robots, Rogue Wave covers "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Beautiful stuff for your post-Halloween festivities.

Absolutely sick. Like 90s sick.

2009-10-28T21:48:00.001-04:00

Via Jesse Thorn of ye old Sound of Young America, comes an insane vid from last night's BET Awards featuring Mos Def, Black Thought and Eminem. And while Thorn may be the whitest, baby-faced radio host on the planet, he's not far off the mark when he calls Em "probably the greatest freestyler of all time." OF ALL TIME!

/kanye'd

This. Is. Real.

2009-10-28T01:24:00.001-04:00

I don't have cable. I don't have DirecTV, either. While Comcast is 97% evil, DirecTV always seemed like a sesnible alternative, and their commercials were kind of funny.

Then they got creepy.

One thing to remember, in those shots of David Spade where he's talking about DirecTV with Chris Farley's back in the foreground, that is a body double playing Chris Farley. Someone else's body is in that shot. In other words, David Spade shot his lines with a fake version of his old chum "acting" in front of him. A fake Chris Farley. While David Spade is talking. And getting paid to rave about DirecTV. With his dead friend. Or a body double of his dead friend. A friend who is dead. Paycheck words with dead friend body double. Fat guy who is not Chris Farley. Because he is dead. Paycheck David. High five.

New Weezer, Same Old Problems

2009-10-26T20:39:00.000-04:00

Stereogum has a new track from Weezer online for your streaming pleasure, featuring none other than Lil Wayne himself. Honestly, his verse is the best part of the track. The rest makes me want to kick a bunny. Not a cute one. But a bunny none-the-less.

p.s. That's the closest I can get to Weezy meets Weezer. Whoopi Goldberg with that dancing guy from all the dancing movies. Cause Rivers dance s...right?

blog fail

2009-10-20T02:37:00.000-04:00

Yes, I fail at September. I fail at consistency, too. I guess Joe Morgan will never sing my praises. Rats.

Day Twenty: Muppet Drumming with Buddy Rich

2009-09-20T23:36:00.000-04:00

Honest question: WTF is Animal? This video is why the Muppets were the greatest invention of the 20th century. Or at least the greatest variety show ever made. If I can find some of the more bizarre vids from the Muppet show, I'll be sure to post them.

Seriously, we had it good when we were kids.

Day Nineteen: Daniel Johnston Will Steal Your Heart

2009-09-19T23:23:00.000-04:00

When my brother David took Intro to Music at ole HC, Mike Rowley subbed for one day for I don't know what reason. David told me asked the class who the worl'd greatest songwriter was. Rowley's answer? Cat Stevens.

Wrong. The answer is in the video above. And if you think I'm being ironic or fey or fill-in-the-90s-indie-adjective-here, you and I have obviously never met. Daniel Johnston for the win.

Day Eighteen: How About Some More Music?

2009-09-18T23:16:00.000-04:00

Neko Case. Our First Champion. Bringer of Light. Giver of Everything that is Pure and Holy. Also, Totally Hawt.

P.S. I think she lives in Vermont, too. And now, you're completely jealous. We're practically neighbors.

Day Seventeen: Commercial These Days

2009-09-17T23:12:00.001-04:00

I believe this commercial to be creepy as hell. Indeed. I still love Fruit by the Foot. Indubitably.

Day Sixteen: What's a Panini, Etc.

2009-09-16T22:59:00.000-04:00

Oh, Tim & Eric. The first 1:57 is the funniest fun you'll see all funday. Continue after the clip for more fuhn, but the first fuhn is the best fuhn. Channel 5! Steve Brule!

Day Fifteen: These Kids Are Cooler Than Your Kids

2009-09-15T22:52:00.001-04:00

It's a little lengthy, but worth the 8 minutes. A string quintet of Zelda, Tetris, Mario, and much, much more. Courtesy of some of the coolest kids on the face of the earth. If this doesn't make your day, then go sleep until tomorrow, because nothing else will.

Day Fourteen: Vince Carter Dunks Over the European Union

2009-09-14T22:49:00.000-04:00

Don't click yet! Wait a second. Hold your breath. Exhale. Prepare yourself. Now click.

That is why America is great, amirite?

Day Thirteen: Swing That Axe, Twice On Sunday!

2009-09-13T22:40:00.006-04:00

Since yesterday's video was so unbearably cute, today's needed to be scary, but in an inappropriate way. Introducing: Inappropriate Soundtracks: The Shining: Web Edition.

Semicolons are all the rage.

Day Twelve: Babies that laugh like 80-year-old man-midgets

2009-09-12T22:39:00.000-04:00

I don't have anything to add. Have a nice day.

Day Eleven: Marvel v. DC

2009-09-11T22:24:00.002-04:00

Make geek vids! You normal people lose! Yes, it's sooo old. But I promised my mom to show her the original I'm a Marvel / I'm a DC parodies. It's like multiple day 11's with all these vids!

P.S. The original Mac/PC commercials, which I might delve into later this month, have led me to the conclusion that PCs are much cooler than Macs. It's Apple's fault. Casting uber-geek Jon Hodgman? What did they expect!?!

Day Ten: Marvel Comics, Disneyfied

2009-09-10T22:15:00.001-04:00

In case you didn't hear, and you don't read this blog, because even I, in my blogging laziness, posted something about this: the folks at Disney bought the folks at Marvel. What a second. No, actual people were not purchased, I promise. It did sound like I said that, but I didn't mean it. I realize I could have backspaced and saved us the trouble of this paragraph, but where's the fun in that?

This is from the same guy who brought the intertubes the I'm a Marvel/I'm a DC parody. What's that you say? You've never seen that video? Oh, Mom. I guess you'll have to come back tomorrow!

Day Nine: Underground

2009-09-09T22:07:00.016-04:00

Remember when Ben Folds was seriously effing cool? And he had that punky/jazzy trio thing going on? I remember hearing this song on 96.3 the Edge just months before Brick dropped and blew them into the stratosphere. At the time, I didn't get most of the jokes. Having spied on the "scene kids" from time to time over the past ten years, I recognize it's brilliance on a whole different level. But even in 1996, this song kicked serious ass.

Day Eight: Spider-Man, the British Sitcom Version

2009-09-08T22:01:00.000-04:00

I have to admit. I like the funny books. The ones with panels and capes and people who talk in balloons. But movies like Spider-Man 3? Those I don't like. Not so much. Or at all.

Day Seven: Glenn Beck, Behind the Music

2009-09-07T21:50:00.002-04:00

Admittedly, I know very little of Glen Beck...other than he's sort of a know-it-all blowhard that are sort of a dime-a-dozen on cable sort-of-news these days. I, for reasons concerning miserliness and disinterest, don't have cable (they I still looooooove the TV box), so maybe he's a nice guy? But probably not. I'm sure he had this coming.

P.S. I know I'm cheating. You know I'm cheating. But let's just pretend that I have a time machine. Because that would be so much cooler than backposting.

Day Six: JoHo Jesus - Sort of Like an Evil Wizard in Space

2009-09-06T16:53:00.001-04:00

I don't even know where to begin with this video.

Granted, Catholic/Protestant Christians believe in some really weird stuff (Communion? Baptism? Holy Spirit?), but this Jehovah's Witness cartoon about the life and times of Jesus Christ is so far out there...you'll either laugh with glee or scream in horror, never to visit YouTube again.

P.S. When your Jesus starts blowing up churches and Volkswagon vehicles, it's time to question how you got from theology point A to theology point B.

/mini Jesus and violence rant

Day Five: I'm Not A Doctor!

2009-09-05T11:43:00.002-04:00

Okay, a little background on this video. One, David Letterman, even on those days when he doesn't give a shit, is still freaking genius. I discovered his show when I was 10 or 11 years old, and it became a singular influence on what I find funny, even today. Sad, I know.

Two, Mike Singletary coaches the football club known as the San Fransisco 49ers, and his post-game press conferences are an exercise in comedic improv couched in sports cliche, repeated as often and seriously as possible.

And three, the Singletary impressionist in these videos is a Late Show staffer, who reportedly couldn't read lines off the cue-card, so another staffer just yelled them to him from off-stage. Hence, the echo-chamber effect you get in the above clip.

Which is what takes this video from mildly-funny to pee-pants hilarious. At least for me and David Letterman.

Day Four: Pop Songs Are Always Better With Muppets

2009-09-04T17:58:00.001-04:00

Remember 2008, when you couldn't take two steps without hearing those damn iPod commercials, and you sort of stopped listening to Feist because her numbers song get kind of annoying for a while? Well, even Sesame Street got into the action, and I think maybe sort-of kind-of that their version is 200 gajillion times better, because while 1234 is a catchy little fricker, it works much better as Kids Bop than it ever did as a straight-up "adult" pop song. Because let's face it, adult artists kind of suck.

Day Three: Your Favorite New Band

2009-09-03T22:51:00.000-04:00

Matt & Kim have been one of my favorite little rock bands for going on two years now, and while "Lightspeed" doesn't rock as hard as some of their other stuff, this fan-made video certainly turns it into one of their funner tracks. And yes, I just typed "funner". It's a blog. Get over it.

Day Two: The BBC would like to apologize for the next announcement

2009-09-02T21:18:00.005-04:00

Walk On The Wild Side "combines the comedy talents of Jason Manford and friends together with some jaw-dropping natural history footage."

This is from an actual program (or programme, as theye licke to calle it) on BBC One. British folks dubbed over funny looking animals. Brilliant. While the shark bit falls a little flat, that talking marmot kills me every time.

Day One: Ah, My Eye!

2009-09-01T21:19:00.010-04:00

I enjoy the YouTube, probably even more than the regular Tube. Or at least as much as On Demand, which I don't have have, because I'm cheap. And lazy. But mostly cheap.

Once upon a time, I thought I'd regularly post some vids to the blog to share with the world. Because the world reads this blog. I know this because I'm on an internet web site, which anyone with a computer can check. And they have computers all over the world. My logic has just astounded you. Booyah. Deal with it.

Then I never posted any videos. And YouTube was still there; and YouTube was still calling. So here's the deal. In an effort to kick off the school year in earnest, and assist Ernest in going to camp, I shall post a minimum of one video a day on this internet web site, for the month of September, for no apparent reason, other than sharing the joy of short videos that you've probably already seen. Fair enough? I should hope so.

Let us begin.

I'm pretty sure I nabbed this off of Topless Robot, which is not a robotic porn site, but a weblog for geeks, who may or may not enjoy robotic porn, if Topless Robot were to offer it.

Who am I kidding? They'd enjoy it. You would, too. Robots are win.

Holy. Crap.

2009-08-31T19:48:00.003-04:00

Disney to buy Marvel Entertainment (NY Times)

Wow-o-wowie. That's a BFD.

Also, follow along with this morning's investor conference call, courtesy of the WSJ.

Also, also, that picture never gets old.

The most beautiful thing in the world

2009-08-29T09:04:00.004-04:00

Also, I have something very special and incredibly lame planned for September. Stay tuned, True Believers!

Here we go...

2009-06-28T20:02:00.004-04:00

Just leaving work now. This is what I'll be doing tomorrow. More likely though, since it's the first day of camp, I'll be shuffling paperwork related to these activities. I rule.

William Shatner outdoes William Shatner. Again.

2009-06-21T22:56:00.003-04:00

Holy hell. That man is awesome.

Last Day

2009-06-18T21:04:00.003-04:00

Today was the last day of school. Summer camp at the Club begins two Mondays from now. I will have no life until August 22nd. Rejoice!

p.s. I do not know those kids.

Rutland's Art Scene

2009-06-08T00:12:00.004-04:00

I've got some issues with Rutland. Not the least of which is that our best graff artists are neither artists nor good. I have some more pics ready to go, including some places in Rutland that I really enjoy. But for now, someone buy these kids a book about tagging.

Judgey McJudgerton

2009-06-07T23:40:00.004-04:00

Admittedly, this post is 10 days late, which is like a gazillion years in blog-time. Everyone else has chimed in, so I thought I'd gather my thoughts and beat this horse dead. If you'd rather not read one more thing about Sonia Sotomayor, wait five minutes (or simply scroll up) for some sweet Rutland pics. If you're in for some high-falutin' talk, follow these four points:

1. Experience is a funny thing. 106 of 110 Supreme Court Justices have been white males. Experience tells us that there are two benefits to being white and male in the country, and they are both related to power. Throughout the short history of the US, to be white and to be male has put you at a distinct advantage in getting ahead and grasping power. Since 1776 white males, especially those with property, have been used to having their voices heard on voting day, and used to representing voters in places of power. And once given power, people (aka, white males) have never been all that willing to give it up, even to those who deserve it. For better or worse, this is the sort of experience 106 folks have brought to the Supreme Court.

To be brown and to be female has meant a completely different American experience. It’s meant one of subjugation, segregation and second-class citizenship. That sort of experience is absolutely foreign to most white males in America, and completely alien to those in power.

This is why diversity on the most powerful court in America is important, and why we ought to actively strive for it. We are the sum of our experiences, whatever they may be, whether we serve burgers or rulings. In a court that's still predominantly white, and predominately male, a new diversifying presence can only be a good thing. (End of lecture one.)

2. Which brings me to point number two, no one serves objectively. Our legal system would like you to believe that judges serve justice and justice alone, regardless of their backgrounds and personal experiences. That however, is a load of bullocks. If you'll allow me to pretend to be a radical for a moment, a white, male court will, more often than not, seek to reinforce existing power structures. That’s just the way power works. We don’t usually overturn the systems that helped put us in a position of power.

This is where my theology begins to bleed in, and I can't apologize for that. At every turn in the New Testament, Christ and his followers were opposed by those in power, because they taught a radically different view of the world. They taught that the poor would become rich, that the meek would be lifted up, and the last would some day be first. That message threatened everything that those in power had so successfully built, whether they were Jew or Roman. And because of that message, scores of people were persecuted and killed and told to shut the hell up. Spoiler alert: it didn't work then, and hopefully, it won't work now.

3. In order for everyone in our country to be served by the law, everyone in our country ought to be represented. The Supreme Court should not simply be composed of the seven smartest jurists in the country, it should, in every respect, reflect our country as it is today: white, brown, male, female -- a kaleidoscope of color and heritage. Any other court does a disservice to the people of the United States of America. I want my court to not only represent existing power structures, but to give a voice to those who are voiceless, to lay low the walls of injustice, and to lift up the meek and the powerless. Can an all-white, all-male court full of brilliant minds to that? Possibly. But can an equally brilliant, yet more diverse court do it better? Absolutely.

4. This last point is a bit of an epilogue. These previous three points will be all the media talks about over the coming weeks as Sotomayor moves closer to confirmation. And that is a sad state of affairs. The only reason to continue talking about Sotomayor’s race and “racism” is money. Talking heads from the right will continue to bring it up in order raise money for the Republican war machine, just as talking heads from the left unfairly maligned justices Roberts and Alito as their confirmations took place. If Republicans can paint Sotomayor as an activist and a racist, they can plaster that on mailings and posters and radio ads, and laugh all the way to the bank. We’ve seen it time and time again. This smear campaign has nothing to do with blocking Sotomayor’s confirmation, and everything to do with raising money. She will be confirmed, because she’s brilliant, qualified and capable. But she’s also brown, female and left of center. And that’s a financial boon for the Republican Party

The sad things is, the media will mostly ignore how capable she is, and instead of getting to the heart of the matter – such as what her views are on the right to privacy, freedom of expression, the right to own and bear arms – we’ll be deluged by stories on her background, her supposed “racism”, and her "activist” aims. In a perfect world, the media would rise above the current talking points handed to them from the right and the left and explore Sotomayor’s record as a judge, questioning whether her judicial record is one that befits a supreme court justice. But no one wants to hear that. That’s a good way to lose eyeballs, drive away listeners, and turn away ad dollars. So instead, expect Hannity and Olbermann to duke it out in the trashiest way possible, and expect the American public to have no idea what kind of a justice Sotomayor might become.

So thank you, established talking points. Thank you, Rush Limbaugh. Thank you, corporate media. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this country is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Falute that?

Small Steps

2009-05-24T22:57:00.005-04:00

And so ends my season of unblogging.

I don't know what else to call it. Really, I just stopped using the internet in its social sense. Except for a random few who I still email, this e-web/i-net thing hasn't been happening much on my end lately. A few things contributed to it: lack of web connectivity at home, disinterest in myface and other technological portmanteaus, working really dumb, insane, but ultimately rewarding hours for a non-profit....the usual suspects.

But I'm back to a point where I, at the very least, want to communicate through this avenue once again. First of all, because I'm reading more and more; and ideas other than how to deal effectively with unruly children are percolating in my head. You can thank my dwindling interest in Blockbuster for that. Secondly, I want to stay in touch with you people, no matter how annoying and artificial internet community is. And lastly, I want to talk about small steps. Small steps in all kinds of things: blogging, boating, hiking, theologizing, purchasing food stuffs, writing grants, serving others, the great butter v. margarine debate, the great new Trek v. old Trek debate, debating in general, modern major generals, pre-Great War pirate musicals, post-civil war kimchi products, product placements in modern one-camera situational comedies, and comedy on national public radio. Some other things, too. Including:

1) I live in Vermont. Did you know that? I am also reading Real Food by Nina Plank, who I can only describe as a natural food, post-hippie, sideways-establishment entrepreneur. Basically, she extols the virtues of real, raw milk and cheese. I live in a cheese and diary birthing state. Small steps, remember. My first is that I've started purchasing milk and dairy, whenever possible, from small dairies and cheese artisans who process their products as little as they can. Which basically makes me a food-prick, I know. But I'm trying this suit on -- this suit of "eating dairy products they way we ate them for hundreds of years before mass production" -- just to see if I do indeed feel better or happier or less prone to boredom and Taco Bell because of it. We'll speak more on this later. But small steps.

2) I'm quickly growing tired of our federal government. I'm straining to understand the concept of left-handed power, and what it means in my day-to-day life, and what it means for my political framework, and how it relates to my theological worldview. Jesus was one to use left-handed power. I'm 89% Siddhārtha Gautama did, too. Dr. King used it, but I think sometimes right-handedly. You can't be President and use because you'd probably be impeached. We Americans tend to like our power right-handed, because we're a super-power, and that's how super-powers behave. Left-handed power is steeped in humility and mystery and charity and maybe even Zen. I'll get back to you when I have some more concrete thoughts. But small steps.

3) What is up with Lost these days? Seriously? That was a pretty disappointing finale. But small steps.

So here's my promise to you, internet pals. I'm going to start stringing some words together into sentences again, not because it's necessary or vital or even relatively important. It's not. But I'm trying to take some small steps. And I thought you might want to tag along for the ride.

Cheese first, then the kingdom of God. My new motto. Get used to it.

Mr. Funny Pants

2009-03-15T23:45:00.002-04:00

Oh, Ricky. Wildly inappropriate, as usual. Yet this time, with muppets.

Hat tip to CliqueClack.

Old Man LaRussa

2009-02-22T12:11:00.004-05:00

No posts for February? Let's take care of that pronto.

Major League Baseball had picture day last week. And the Sports Hernia Blog (my new favorite blog, BTW) has the best of the best. And yes. Tony LaRussa is officially 200 years old today. Happy Birthday, Tone!

And Hugo Chavez is a d-bag, too.

2009-01-20T23:27:00.005-05:00

Abroad, Many Hope for ‘New Chapter’ (NY Times)

In Caracas, Venezuela, reactions to the inauguration included a range of emotions. “I felt immense envy,” said Daria Carmona, 60, a secretary at a school products company. Why envy? “Envy,” said Ms. Carmona, pondering the word for a few seconds, “because we do not have a president with the capability of leaving power in such democratic fashion.” ....even as Mr. Obama was being sworn in, the police were using tear gas in Caracas to disperse antigovernment protests on Tuesday.

Yeah, you heard me Hugo. This is what a real revolution looks like.

Xander Harris is such a d-bag.

2009-01-20T21:52:00.004-05:00

200 years after it went off the air, I 'm still catching up on my Buffy. And yes, Xander Harris is big-time d-bag crazy-pants. Someone should kick him in the funny business.

I hate to ruin the mood...

2009-01-20T08:22:00.003-05:00

...but he's only a man.

Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing. Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, who remains faithful forever.

Politics? Here!?!*

2009-01-05T00:00:00.006-05:00

*Because the other blog is dead. Sorry.

The more I hear about Roland Burris, the more I like the man. While it sure looks like Blagojevich's days as governor are numbered -- even if he's corrupt as hell -- he still made a fine choice for the junior Senate seat of Illinois.

It's a shame that Blagojevich's appointment looks like a decoy to steer the news cycle away from the facts of the scandal, but the country's in too much of a mess to wait until its justice system can sort out the Governor's guilt or innocence. Let Burris take the seat, and let the Senate get down to business.

Recession Proof

2008-12-28T22:22:00.003-05:00

You know it's a big deal when NPR covers a story twice in three days:

Cost Of Yankees Acquisition Examined

Yankees' Spending Spree Defies Laws Of Economics

It's a good time to be a fan of the richest sporting club in the world.

Who throws a shoe, honestly?

2008-12-16T10:31:00.001-05:00

RE: Iraqi shoe throwing incident.

This is all I could think about when I heard the news,

Keep It Cool

2008-12-07T14:58:00.002-05:00

Occasionally, SNL proves there's still some life in Studio 8H.

Guerrilla Skanking

2008-11-23T23:03:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty sure this should be on the jumbotron in heaven for most of the day.

Rays win! Rays win! Rays win!

2008-10-20T00:32:00.003-04:00

What a game.

p.s. You still have the dumbest team name ~~outside the WNBA~~ in professional sports.

Kate Beaton Comix

2008-10-15T23:41:00.001-04:00

Via Dan's LJ:

By Kate Beaton.

Champions! -- Vanilla Coke AND Josiah Pics

2008-10-13T23:55:00.004-04:00

Not even a contest this time. Nothing can withstand the flavor explosion that is Vanilla Coke. Gone for a while, but back in grocery stores everywhere just in time for Columbus Day festivities. Actually, it's been back in stores for well over a year now. But I just noticed.

In unrelated news, my brother and his wife have a new blog filled with pictures of their baby. David has finally joined the brave new interwebs.

Oh, did I forget to tell you, blogging world? Imanuncle. What now!

Take On Me: Literal Video Version

2008-10-06T21:33:00.005-04:00

"Ever wish songs just sang what was happening in the music video? Well now they do."

Awesome new lyrics to a-ha's "Take On Me," that describe exactly what's happening in the video as it happens. Redundancy is funny. Redundancy is funny. (Well, not in every case.)

(((Original video in case the new song didn't do it for you.)))

Eraser (1996) - Starring Arnold Scwarzenegger

2008-09-14T01:53:00.004-04:00

What in tarnation happened to Catfish Haven? No, not the band, the totally rockin' Blog?

Jake. Jeff. Please don't tell me you erased this awesome depository of ridiculous awesomeness?

Life in spinning. File nots found. Records left unrecordededededededed. Like taping over Charlie Hayes making that sweet, sweet catch. (((Oh God, it was sweet!))) I feel like throwing up.

ADDITIONALLY:

I really need to update the blog roll. Zillion sorries to all the folks who've blogs have moved. Basically, I'm lazy. Also, I'm not sure anyone but Keith Goldfuss and my brother stop by here anyway. So you probably didn't even notice.

FINALLY:

Seriously, where the hell is that goram blog.

I love YouTube because...

2008-09-11T23:32:00.003-04:00

The reason this blog exists? So that all four of my friends can see this lovely video. If Midwest Mindset were still alive, I'd post it there, too.

Oh well.

If you get bored, just skip to the 1:50 mark.

...Holy hell.

(Via The House of Hunt).

The two best pictures you will see all week out of all the pictures you could ever possibly see before Sunday.

2008-09-04T10:30:00.005-04:00

So Rosie Thomas got married*, and guess who showed up?

Spot the semi-celebrities: Sam Beam, Damien Jurado, David Bazan, Denison Witmer

Pics courtesy of Paste Magazine.

*nnnoooooooooooooooooooooo! sniffle.

And the hits just keep on comin'

2008-08-31T02:55:00.002-04:00

Damien, with his broseph Drake. Aka Hoquiam.

Band-Aid

2008-08-31T02:04:00.009-04:00

People I wish were in a band right now:

J. Tillman
Keith Goldfuss
Lane Kim

They would be called "Apples and Oranges...Or Maybe Just Apples".

I cannot wait.

Burn After Reading

2008-06-21T14:01:00.003-04:00

The Coen Bros are back with the funny.

The second trailer's redband, but only for a swear or two. This looks like classic comic book action/comedy from the Coen Brothers, ala Big Lebowski or Raising Arizona. Who the hell cares if it doesn't make any sense? Seriously, I'm watching the trailers again. Right. Now. And now. And. Now.

My blog pictures are cleverer than your blog pictures.

2008-06-09T00:38:00.005-04:00

It's so effing hot in my living room, I've taken to hanging out in my kitchen. Here are the current stats:

Living Room/Bedroom Because I Don't Want To Use My Entire Paycheck For Rent: 85°
Kitchen: 76°
Outside: 72°

Temp this Afternoon: 95°
Length of Time it takes for my living room to reach temperature equilibrium with the outside world: 6 or 7 hours
Clock Time: 12:43am
Estimated Equilibrium Time: 4:00am
Planned Bed Time: Negative 1.5 hours ago
Estimated Bed Time: Never

I'm just making this junk up now, but come on. My apt sucks during the summer.

But during the winter? Free heat! Oh the irony!

X-Files in Poland

2008-06-07T15:40:00.003-04:00

New X-Files movie trailer! With Polish subtitles! Awesome squared!

I've taken to wearing diapers because I crap my pants in excitement every time I think of this.

Notgonnahappen.

2008-05-31T16:36:00.008-04:00

So a few weeks ago I heard that Over the Rhine would be playing in Rhode Island later this summer. After doing a bit of e-searching, I found out that they were participating in the Newport Folk Festival on August 3rd. Here is the entire list of performers for that very same day:

Sunday, August 3
Doors: 10:00 AM
Show: 11:30 AM to 7:00 PM

Jimmy Buffett
Levon Helm
Gillian Welch
The Avett Brothers
Calexico
Brandi Carlile
Son Volt
Kaki King
Over The Rhine
Jake Shimabukuro
Kate Taylor
Richard Julian
One Flew South

Adult: $89.00 / Child (2 to 12 yrs of age): $15.00 Buy Now!

*******************

And I'm thinking exactly what you're thinking (unless you're Paste Magazine): Crap on a stick. Why should I pay 89 bucks to see OtR and the Avetts and Gillian Welch?

So I sent them this kind email:

From: Jonathan Rice
Sent: Tuesday, May 06, 2008 6:45 PM
To: Info FestivalNetwork
Subject: Over the Rhine > Jimmy Buffett even on their worst day.

Dear Miss Info,

I know this is a ridiculous request, but is there any way of purchasing tickets for Sunday, August 3rd at a reduced price if I promise promise promise to leave before Jimmy Buffett? All I really want to see are Over the Rhine and the Avetts, and since OtR never tour this far east, I haven't had the chance to see them perform since I moved to Vermont two years ago. I would be forever and ever in your debt and would bake you cookies or write you love letters or both. $89 is alot to spend when one works for a non-profit and one will leave early because one has no interest in ever seeing Jimmy Buffett perform live. Ever.

BTW, Jimmy Buffett? Really?!

Huh.

Most sincerely and completely truly yours,

Jonny Rice

*****************

Honestly, I didn't really expect a response. But three days ago:

On Wed, May 28, 2008 at 3:56 PM, Festival Network - Box Office wrote:

Mr. Rice,

Unfortunately we are unable to grant discounted tickets for leaving early at the Newport Folk Festival. I am sorry that this is an inconvenience, but due to corporate policy and system inability we cannot. We also have no ability to verify that one has left with no return and as much as we take one for a honest patron, we are unable to grant your request.

Sorry again for the inability to discount the tickets.

Sincerely,

Festival Box Office.

The Festival Network, LLC

30 Irving Place

6^th Floor

New York, NY 10003

Office: 646.652.3965

Fax: 212.533.7293

E.mail: Boxoffice@festivalnetwork.com

Web: www.festivalnetwork.com

This message is the property of The Festival Network, LLC or its affiliates. It may be legally privileged and / or confidential and is intended only for the use of the addressee(s). No addressee should forward, print, copy, or otherwise reproduce this message in any manner that would allow it to be viewed by any individual not originally listed as a recipient. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any unauthorized disclosure, dissemination, distribution, copying or the taking of any action in reliance on the information herein is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please immediately notify the sender and delete this message.

**********************

This was very polite of them, I think.

Also, did I just break the law?

Best. YouTube Video. Ever.

2008-05-31T16:04:00.001-04:00

Sooooooo much better than Beverly Hills.

Theme Park

2008-05-10T16:38:00.005-04:00

If I ever create a theme park, I think it will be Dunkin' Donuts themed.

Champions! ~ Neko vs. flops

2008-05-05T00:02:00.008-04:00

I've decided that the only thing blogging is good for is that it gives me the unique mass-mediated ability to compare things that I like and then decide which is better or gooder or more important for life and joy and survival. It's like having my own personal edition of BM, that quarterly journal that Paco always talked about starting. Only this will be published far more often than quarterly. Not daily, though. Who has time for that?

My first engagement? Neko Case vs. flip-flops.

In this corner, Neko Case.

And in this corner, flip-flops.

I like flip-flops. I'm wearing them now. And it's, like, 41 degrees out. I also like Neko Case. I'm listening to her right now. And she never gets old. She is, like, perpetually 27 years old. Just like me. A good age for all eternity. Yep, that 27 is a mighty fine (prime) number.

27-years-old for life wins. Flip-flops are neat-o, but I could go barefoot, I guess.

Today's champion: Neko Case. With a cool bird.

I am a...

2008-04-08T09:09:00.007-04:00

I feel like this was a popular meme a year or two ago, but just for a laugh this morning, I googled the phrase "Jonny is a" just to see what came up. Basically, I'm awesome. And every day you wake up wishing you were me.

Anyways, here are some other things I am:

Jonny is a lemon and is crazy's.
Jonny is a Retard!
Jonny Is A Hoax?
DAMMMNN, that jonny is a god. He wakes up in the morning and pisses excellence. (Lots of other definitions at Urban Dictionary)
Jonny is a wonderful character.
Jonny is a passionate fan of the Atlanta Braves.
Jonny is a manufactured jinker.
Jonny is a tall, lanky, long haired-hippie who struts around bellbottomed and barefoot.
Jonny is a top Scottish and UK junior player of great potential.
Jonny is a cool little dude with his Hindu friend and little dog.
Jonny is a carbon-copy of Steve.
Jonny is a class act and always will be.
Jonny is a gifted word picture writer.
Jonny is a nice fellow.
Jonny is a saint.
Jonny is a hater like his mother who is a fat lard and a slure.
Jonny is a professional percussionist. He created a band called Junkyard Symphony.
Jonny is a guest artist on Steven Curtis Chapman's new CD "All Things New."
Jonny is a Snablesnot Male Stalker who has made AIN his home, and intends to stay!
Jonny is a stickler for detail, both on properties and with his equipment.
Jonny is a bright, impressive younger leader in the UK church who is connected with the Church of England.
Jonny is a mysterious figure who once mined the earth for fuel, and now spends all his waking hours scouring the net for brilliant broadband.
jonny is a fan of: 7 people.
Jonny is a friendly 1-year-old German shepherd.
JONNY IS A YOUNG BOY ADVENTURER.
Jonny is a busy DJ, hired for interesting fashion and art evenings.
Jonny is a laid back slob basically, who doesn't want to work at all unless it is possibly working with biscuits.
Jonny is a 4.5-metre great white shark.
Jonny is a hero of mine.
My mate Jonny is a looker / His habit is a one night stand / He used to walk the streets in the usual way / Oh what a pretty man
Jonny is a compulsive liar, he has been all his life.
Jonny is a bloke, and he's very accessible for Western audiences.
Jonny is a well developed 14 yr old lad he has an incredible pain thresh-hold and plays the game more committed than most.
Jonny is a hot tip to replace the Queen, given that her knee problems seem likely to make it impossible for her to continue long to reign over us.
Jonny is a bit of a whitebread bore himself.
Jonny is a director of the Belgravia Centre and although not a trichologist, has spent much of his time over the past 6 years studying hair loss and scalp problems.
Jonny is a very experienced and capable sailor.
Jonny is a sensitive soul with a nice haircut, he attracts the beautiful and oh, so innocent Toffee (Candice Nicole) to his letterman jacket.
Jonny is a shy person who doesn't enjoy interviews because he feels he comes across as an idiot.
Jonny is a very keen sport climber, spending his evenings off down the crag whenever possible.
Jonny is a very likable everyman, neither too dumb nor overweeningly brilliant.
Jonny is a dealer of fertilizer, hay net wrap, baler twine, plastic, and minerals.
Jonny is a Hollyoaks and Horrid Henry fan and his favourite musical, apart from Oliver, is Wicked.
Jonny is a fly boy, mad boy, bad boy.
Jonny is a busy man and I personally don't know how he fits it all in.

And that's just in the first ten pages of hits!

Additionally, I spoke at the Intermediate School morning assembly today, and I killed. I'm like freaking Demetri Martin or something.

NSFW!

If you really think of it...

2008-02-28T22:38:00.006-05:00

...Fatty Magoo is much funnier than Fatty McGee.

Snow storms and gun fights

2008-02-06T20:25:00.000-05:00

Item one: I don't mean to come off as a snow-snob, bragging about how awesome I am because I learned how to drive in the winter-wonderland known as Hillsdale, Michigan, but you'd think Vermonters would be a little bit savvier about driving in the snow. Granted, it's Storm City outside right now, but everyone, and I mean everyone, completely freaks out when it snows around here. And we live in the freaking mountains. Seriously, people. The Mountains.

Now I've never had snow tires on any of my vehicles, so I've had to learn how to drive, you know, correctly, in the midst of snow and ice. And basically, there are three simple rules for staying out of the ditch:

Break sooner than usual / but not so hard as usual.
Accelerate slower than usual / with less gas than usual.
Don't overcompensate with the wheel when you start to slide.

And basically, that's it. I just solved all your problems, Vermont. You can thank me later.

Item one end.

Item two: There was a shooting three blocks away from my house! This is better than Chicago! And it was over the reefer, usually a "safe" drug. Seriously, the dealers around here are idiots. I could own this town in under a year.

Damn my ethics!

End item two.

A Juanuary Sanchez Post Full of Snow

2008-01-19T17:12:00.000-05:00

There is snow out right now, but not much. January can't decide whether she wants it hot or cold. If she's not careful, God might spit her out his mouth. Or mouf. Sppppewit!

But here some December pictures of Rutland in lotsa blustery-snowiness. Also, downtown dies after 8 O'Clock. Bummer.

I work there! There is where I work!

My favorite fire hydrant! Fire hydrant #1!

Depot Park! The smallest, lamest park in Rutland; except in December when they light the trees.

During the summer, they close this road off sometimes and let lame bands play. In the upper right hand corner is the clock tower (blurry). It makes me want to scream, "The clock tower, Marty!" every time I see it at night.

Jonny discovers his flash! Use that flash in the snow, Jonny! Now you're cookin'!

Paramount Theatre! Home of just about everything in Rutland that needs a theater. (Except movies.)

Peaceful downtown Rutland, much as it looks from 7pm-5am every single day.

Just up the road. Also peaceful. With churches!

Same corner. Different night.

A side street in downtown. I guess it's not special enough for lights or decorations.

Another lame park, called Alley Park, I think. It's behind some main street buildings, and it's really just a smoking park. I like to call it Lantern Waste.

See what I mean? If I had geeky C.S. Lewis fans around here, they'd all call it Lantern Waste, too. I don't. So they don't either.

Some wicked graffiti by Lantern Waste.

Goodnight moon.

So that's more of my town. It looks much nicer under snow than it does during June. Cruel June! Why do you taunt us so!?

December First-ness And I-talians

2007-12-01T10:04:00.000-05:00

So I was walking home one night after work, down Center Street where a number of bars and restaurants are located, when I passed by eight or nine people speaking Italian. They were quite loud and fairly drunk and nearly obnoxious and exactly what downtown Rutland needs at night (i.e., life). As I passed by however, without thinking, I murmured "Scusi" and kept walking. My question is:

Do I subconsciously know Italian, and if so, does it only present itself in situations where I am around the language and try not to think about knowing said language, and if so, how awesome is that?

And now, further slightly racist photos.

Random Summer-ness Miscellany

2007-11-13T07:04:00.000-05:00

Some random photos from over the summer. Clearing them out before winter arrives. (Which is basically last week.)

The inside of the Club on the weekend. Very dark. Very quiet.

Basically why I stopped going to church. Well, this and Harry Potter. It's kind of a long story.

Outside my apartment. Third floor. The luggage carrier is mine. Or more accurately, mine parent's.

Another view of the third floor foyer, from the luggage carrier's POV. Note the stairs that ascend into nothingness.

My kitchen on a clean summer's day. See you next June, I guess.

Deep Thoughts Before Sleepy Time

2007-11-10T00:23:00.001-05:00

I'll try to post some miscellaneous pics this weekend, but until then, here is literally the funniest thing ever written:

To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks.

-Jack Handey

Nacht of the Living Dead

2007-11-02T14:32:00.001-04:00

O Halloween! O Night of Nights! O saints be praised! O dead be walking! O crazies be crazed!

This week was Halloween week at the Club, which meant I got to be in the parade again! On Tuesday we had our Halloween party, then on Wednesday we marched in the Rutland Halloween Parade. (Complete with its own Wikipedia entry!) Unlike last year, however, we had an actual float this time. Unfortunately, the camera ran out of batteries before the parade began. Here are some sweet pics.

Our lovely kitchen.

Our lovely lion.

Our lovely werewolf.

A lovely game of Pass the Pumpkin.

Our lovely photographer.

Actual Halloween night, right before the parade, right before the camera ran out of batteries. In all, we had a Ninja Turtle, a Spider-Man, a witch, a vampire geisha, a vampire ninja, a fairy goth, a half-angel/half-devil, a full angel, some kind of skeleton being, Michael Myers, a medieval goth, a werewolf, and myself -- yet another vampire hybrid -- the vampire cowboy. We basically rock your face off.

(The paper took some parade pictures, though I don't think we're in them. Feel free to peruse, regardless.)

Further Celebratory Arm Gestures

2007-10-28T21:57:00.001-04:00

Yes, that means high fives for everyone. This week's newsy-news for me and myself is good stuff. I'm taking a new position at the Club, moving from our Tech Center to a new Boys & Girls Club across town, where I'll be the Unit Director. That's right folks, I'm the boss of ~~the world~~ a brand new satellite Club! We'll share a Board and Executive Director with the main Club (where I've been since Oct 06), but the new digs are mine to administer. It's all very exciting and soon-to-be overwhelming. I even get an assistant! And, if we can swing it, hopefully an AmeriCorps volunteer, too.

Anyone want to check out Vermont?

Welcome to the New Xanga

2007-10-20T17:52:00.000-04:00

Because the old one wasn't Xangtastic enough.

Hubbardton Battlefield & Mt Zion

2007-10-15T01:22:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went hiking near Hubbardton, Vermont, visiting the battlefield for a second time (now armed with a camera), and hiking to the top of Mt Zion, which is more impressive than it sounds. It's really barely a mountain. Plus, you have to drive half-way up just to get to the trails. So it's only a 45 minute trip to the top.

Here's a view of the Taconics from Hubbartdton battlefield, the place of the only Revolutionary War battle fought on Vermont soil.

More viewy views, this time with grassy grass.

Taconics to the west, which aren't nearly as tall.

The hilly parts of Mt. Zion, in partial fall foliage glory.

More Taconic action, with Lord Actin.

Sky business!

Mt. Zion. Note the rocky rocks. I will be there soon.

And here I am, on those same rocky rocks. Call me Mr. Outback.

Finally, a foolish video I made. With Lord Acton, DP.

Friday Morning Leaf Erikson

2007-10-11T21:29:00.000-04:00

Taken on my way to work this morning. Our warm September has delayed leaf-peeping season by a week or two. "Too much green!" the old folks cry, their tour buses zooming through our sleepy town, leaving diesel fumes and Fixident in their wake.

A church! The Presbyterian one I think.

A red tree! Surrounded by others who refuse to cooperate.

That's from my back porch, by the way. I am sooo suave.

Side street by my house. Yes, you read it right. Nickwackett.

The tree above my car. I shouldn't park there, knowing how often trees tumble down around my house. But it's a nice space.

Go yellowy, go!

Too much green. The old folks were right.

Tinmouth and Clarendon Gorge

2007-09-23T02:41:00.000-04:00

Electric line gap. Looking down on Clarendon? I'm no good at geography.

Dobson the car, looking snug in the mountains.

Some hill. Somewhere.

Down the road from some hill. Somewhere.

The road. Hill not pictured.

Opposite of road. Another frakkin' hill.

The sleepy town of Clarendon Springs. Yes, that's really a town.

Tinmouth Mountain....Maybe.

More (possible) Tinmouth.

These I know. Danby Hill in the foreground. Mounts Dorset and Woodlawn in the back.

Beautiful Clarendon Gorge, which looked like another mountain from Google Maps. I had printouts to hike it and everything! But what I really needed was a canoe.

Very Emergency

2007-09-18T23:56:00.000-04:00

Tonight at Club two sixth graders got into an argument over whether "emo" meant you cut your wrists.

What would the Promise Ring say about this?

My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco will pay at the Great White Thrown Judgment for their impertinence!

Let's review:

The Good Guys (aka, the funnest band of 1998)

The Bad Guys (aka, we're all very constipated)

Where's the Beef?

2007-09-16T18:42:00.000-04:00

It's still very green around here. And warm. I figured we'd be a couple of weeks ahead of the Midwest as far as fall goes, but unseasonably warm temps have put my deductive skills to shame. Shame!

Getting there. But still a ways to go.

Some red. Some sun.

A sea of green. (Or more accurately, a small pond.)

Mason Dixon

2007-08-30T22:44:00.000-04:00

Remember how I said I took seven pictures on my autotour down to Tennessee? Here are four of them. You're welcome.

A storm in Virginia! I had to pull over twice during the nastier bits.

My parents new kitten. They named him Pumpkin.

Pronounced Pun'kin. Which is kind of stupid.

I'm alternately calling him Joey Ramone and Samuel L. One of them will stick eventually.

The ground is falling onto the ground. And onto houses, too.

2007-08-28T19:09:00.000-04:00

Last week I drove to Tennessee to see my parent's new home on Paint Rock Road. I was going to take a million pictures. I took seven. So instead, here are some pics of what I discovered outside my house when I got home yesterday. A(nother) tree had fallen onto my building, this time on the opposite side of the house. It broke two of my neighbors windows.

So that's the tree. Safe as houses.

More of the tree. The leafy parts.

My front door. Eagle Eye Charlie's can spy my bike on the right of the frame, hidden by the fence on the porch.

My building from across the street. Two months ago.

My building from across the street. Yesterday. (One of these things is not like the other.)

And then this morning, only one day later. Look what's disappeared!

Spirited away overnight, I guess.

In conversation, whilst walking to the swimming pool with the Club.

2007-08-14T21:20:00.000-04:00

9-year-old kid: We should be be able to walk to the pool on our own.
Me: I don't think you're old enough yet.
Niner: Well, nine is the new 18, Jonny.
Me: Then what's 18?
Niner: 18 is the new 89.
Me: So I'm as good as dead? Thanks.

Stoweland

2007-07-08T20:53:00.000-04:00

No new pics -- just some older ones from last May, taken way north of here, in Stowe, Vermont.

Looking east from the von Trapp Family Lodge. Yes, that von Trapp family.

Now, facing Westerly.

These pics are like porn to me. Like candy. Like candy-porn.

....You know what I mean.

The flattest, widest, mountain road ever.

Earth! Sky! Water! Fire!

Captain Planet, eat your heart out!

Seriously, I'm like freaking Anne Geddes.

Like Thomas Kinkade!

Mt. Mansfield maybe? If so, this is the highest mountain in the state. If not...well do you really care?

Dino Hospital

2007-06-27T19:22:00.000-04:00

Today at Club a little girl asked if she could leave her painting of a dinosaur egg overnight in the computer lab "to heal." She sounded very sure of herself. First I asked her if she meant "to hatch." No. Then I asked her if she meant "to dry." No. Apparently, the dinosaur egg had been hurt inside its mother's stomach and it needed a night in the lab to heal before she could take it home. It's sitting there right now. Hopefully on the mend.

(That snippet above is all I could fit in the scanner. I wish you could see the whole thing. I kind of want to keep it.)

Rutland Walking Tour

2007-06-03T20:38:00.000-04:00

Some more photos from Rutland, taken on the 1st. It was raining, so I didn't get much that day.

I walked up a very long hill in the rain to take this. And it's terrible. I live just to the left of that church.

A barn in the middle of town. Yes, we're that awesome.

One of the many creeks that flow through town, and in most cases, under town.

A house damaged by the storm last spring.

I'd take it.

Reminded me of Catfish Haven.

The Catholics!

More shopping carts! Just a block away from my apt actually. This one was so sad it couldn't even support itself, relying on the "No Parking" sign to stay upright.